Well, I can now add Stalker Mom to my never-ending list of roles I play as a Simply Grateful Housewife.
Grace is going to her boyfriend of 3+ months house this afternoon to meet his parents for the first time, to watch movies, and have dinner. I met her boyfriend when he picked her up for their second date back several months ago, he has hung out at our house several times, had dinner here twice, and typically picks her up here for their dates. He lives about an hour from us and because of the distance and the fact he lives in a rural area with dirt roads, we did not allow Grace until today to venture to his domain. The roads are clear, the sun is shining, the temperatures in the 40’s, perfect weather for a country drive.
Still, this whole “meeting the parents” thing is strange. Allowing my daughter to go to a “boys” house just seems so wrong. Yes, I live in the dark ages when it comes to my little girl. I am old-fashioned and Hubby and I are quite protective and strict when it comes to how often and where she sees The Boyfriend. Even though she is 18, legally an adult, we have made it clear that as long as she lives under our roof (yes, I have turned into my mother!), our rules prevail. Thus far, there have been no complaints. I guess the thought of having to fend for herself in the real world is worse than having to check in with mom and dad on occasion, keeping us informed as to where she is and what she is doing, and being home at a descent hour.
A few weeks ago, The Boyfriend told Grace his mother had cornered him and told him she wanted to meet the girl he’d been spending time with. I can completely understand this. Although different with sons than daughters, I think every parent is curious to know who their child is spending time with. Yes, I do believe in the old double standard. We had to meet The Boyfriend before Grace’s first official date (the first time they met, they met in a public setting, as they’d met on an on-line college website), so we did not meet him until their “second” date which was their first “official” date. Confused? Well, it doesn’t really matter, we met him before we allowed Grace to get into a car alone with this would-be stranger.
Since then, they have gotten together about once a week on average, but talk/text continually on their iPhones. Things are so different from when I was dating. I don’t recall talking to my boyfriends so much. Well, since there was only one boyfriend — now Hubby — I guess perhaps I’m not such a good example, but we rarely ever talked on the phone. We talked to arrange our next date and then talked when we saw each other. We got together about once a week for the first six months and then more often as our relationship got stronger and we became more serious. Grace is content with this once a week arrangement, but the continual texting makes me think that things are more serious than she lets on. But this is just a mother rambling on…
Anyway, before we agreed that Grace could go out to The Boyfriend’s house to meet his parents, we asked where they lived. Being an hour away, should anything go wrong, we wanted to know what she was getting herself into. First we got the city, then the address so we knew EXACTLY where they lived.
By exactly I mean Hubby and I Googled the address and took a tour of their neighborhood, seeing exactly where they lived, complete with satellite photos of what their house looked like. Technology is wonderful. What? Were we so wrong? We have no idea if these people are cannibals, serial killers, kidnappers, who knows? Of course I’m being overly dramatic, but hopefully you get where I’m coming from.
Grace was appalled. Why? In this day and age, with the influx of available resources to check out would-be suitors, I think this was definitely the mildest of stalker tendency actions. We could have done a complete background check, had a private investigator follow The Boyfriend around to make sure his intentions were honorable, or used a tracker app on his phone to do our own investigating. Yep, I watch far too many criminal television shows and am a bit paranoid when it comes to Grace, but thus far, our actions have kept her safe.
We concluded that going to The Boyfriend’s house was acceptable, as long as the parent’s were home. Wow! I really have become my mother. Oh well, it worked for them because I don’t think I turned out too bad, so I guess being a little like my own parents isn’t so bad — just don’t tell them this.
Grace didn’t stay appalled long and quickly got over Hubby’s and my “Stalker” moment and joined us in seeing where she was going and what the house and area looked like. Actually Grace is more of a stalker than us. Before she agreed to meet The Boyfriend for the first time, she stalked him on Facebook, Googled him, and check him out on the campus website where he goes to college. Perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, which in my mind is a good thing, and for this I am — Simply Grateful.
This is hilarious. I mean the way you have written it. I agree that it is so important to have guidelines for our children. It not only keeps them safe but can save them lots of heartaches down the road. Interesting idea to find the place on Google, but I would hesitate on the app tracking thing. Enjoy the young man as a part of the family, at least for now.
Your daughter was wise to check out his facebook. It really is a kind of online diary that most teens update frequently and it is often a good way to learn about somebody.